ishmael n. daro

It is bizarre that so many of us start a new calendar year with hangovers. Instead of renewal and fresh starts, millions wake up on Jan. 1 each year with queasiness and headaches as the last reminders of the previous year. These last ghosts of the previous calendar are exorcised very painfully sometimes. Liquor can be a harsh mistress but for all that she hurts us, she comforts us too.

Despite the problems alcohol usage leads to, drinking has been part of humanity for as far back as the ancient Egyptians. More recently, French champagne, Russian vodka and Canadian beer have all contributed to national identities. Molson Canadian’s long running advertising campaign said it succinctly with the declaration, “I am Canadian.” Presumably, drinking beer and being a citizen are directly related to one another.

Most people have among their most interesting stories tales of mad binges, benders and brannigans. Spring break and St. Patrick’s Day are mere euphemisms for getting extremely intoxicated and the legal drinking age is the one law almost everyone has broken with glee.

Though we enter 2009 with gloomy financial outlooks, alcohol sales are better than ever. Because people like to drink when they are happy and because they can’t help but drink when they are miserable, alcohol is considered recession-proof. According to the New York Times, even prostitution, the world’s oldest profession, has seen a decline in business but our other oldest vice remains in good health.

Canadians spend $18 billion per year on alcohol and half of that is beer. As a point of reference, the Canadian military will receive $19 billion for 2009. Collectively we spend almost as much on getting drunk as the country does on defense! Quite simply, people love to drink.

Our unquenchable thirst for liquor is so strong that even prohibition laws in Canada and the U.S. didn’t stop consumption. Throughout the Roaring Twenties, bootleggers, rum-runners and moonshiners supplied Americans with the liquor they so craved and Canadians played no small part in that illegal trade. Al Capone, tommy guns and speakeasies are the lasting symbols of Prohibition. The Noble Experiment as it was called had failed miserably and by 1932 Prohibition was repealed.

Perhaps the reason we love to drink is because water just isn’t that interesting. Even Jesus found a way to turn water into wine, much to the delight of his followers one assumes. Obviously there are certain mood-altering qualities of alcohol that people enjoy but that alone would not outweigh the many problems alcohol contributes to such as traffic accidents, violence and addiction.

The real reason we allow alcohol in our lives is because we are adults and adults are allowed to do what they please to their own bodies. Sure, there are problems with hooch but think of everything we would lose if we were not close with Jack Daniels, Captain Morgan and the rest of our watery friends. Throughout history, alcohol has been both hero and villain to us and many great people have struggled with the bottle. The cultural significance of alcohol is undeniable. Vincent van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson were great drunks of their time and even world leaders such as Winston Churchill and our own John A. Macdonald were known for their affinity for old lady whiskey.

In 1737, Benjamin Franklin amassed over 200 words from around Philadelphia that described drunkenness. To say a man “has kill’d his dog” or that he has “been too free with the Creature” were just two of the many confusing ways to say that someone was sloshed, hammered, buzzed, wasted, pissed, tanked, sauced, blitzed or pie-eyed.

English probably has more words to describe being drunk than any other language around, so it may not be so strange that each year is heralded by hangovers and vomit. Hardly the new beginnings people envision the previous night when setting goals and making resolutions, but new beginnings nonetheless. At the very least, they are renewed commitments to enjoying life a little too much.

To quote the famous drinker Frank Sinatra: “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.”